The last few months I have struggled to see what God is doing in my life. There are days where I tell myself I got this. Then there are days when I think to myself how in the world did I get here?
I hate that I don’t get to see into the future of my life because if I did I think that I would be able to make better decisions about my life choices today.
Maybe if I could see into the future I wouldn’t get so frazzled when things don’t work out how I planned or how I thought they should work out. But nope that’s not how life is and it will never be that way as long as I am in this earthly body.
I am sure I am not the only one who struggles with a need to see what lies ahead. I am so glad I am not alone in this struggle.
When I find myself thinking this way I sit and speak to God about my struggle. I share with Him that I don’t know what is going on and I am unsure of what to do about somethings in my life. I ask Him to show me how to move and which why to turn. You know what I have learned about God is when you ask Him for answers He will answer. His answers may not be what I want to hear but nonetheless it is an answer.
While praying I read a passage in the books of Acts chapter 20 that hit me like a ton of bricks. The passage in summary was about Paul and what God has called him to do. The verses that jumped out at me were, “22And now I am bound by the Spirit to go to Jerusalem. I don’t know what awaits me, 23 except that the Holy Spirit tells me in city after city that jail and suffering lie ahead.”As I read it it stopped me dead in my thoughts as I pondered where I was in life and where I was going. I reread the passage and thought who am I that I think I can escape a life of suffering?
I mean Paul the Apostle one of the greatest men that walked the earth knew that ahead of him was a life of jail and suffering. He knew that when he chose to follow Christ it came at a cost. But what made me weep was the next verses that says, “24But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus—the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God.” Paul says his life is worth nothing unless he does what God called him to and that is to share the good news.
I cried because in that moment the Lord was reminding me that I too am called to a life of suffering. I may or may not end up in jail for sharing the good news but I do know that I will suffer. Paul was abused by the people who claimed to know God and some who didn’t but that didn’t stop him. Instead he counted his life as worth nothing if he wasn’t able to do what God called him.
I begin to pray as the Spirit of God showed me what lies ahead for me if I walk in obedience to Christ. The questions that I saw in front of me were, am I willing to do follow Jesus? Am I willing to be abused and suffer for God’s kingdom? And if I am will I let God do what He needs to do in my life to bring glory to Christ? That is a hard pill to swallow. Then I looked back at my life and saw the many answers to prayers. I saw the times He healed my heart and mended my brokeness. I saw the cross that Jesus endured so I didn’t have to be eternally separated from Abba Father.
I cried and said, yes Lord I will do it. I will lay down my life for yours. I was humbled and reminded of the plan He has on my life. A plan I don’t see clearly but one that I know Jesus will be in moment by moment as I strive for obedience. And yes a plan that includes suffering. I know that I can count it all joy when I suffer for His namesake because James said I should.
I really don’t have any answers for my life in detail but that’s okay because no matter what it will be God’s plan and guess what He can see into the future!! That is exciting but I must continuously learn to trust in Him as He leads me.
My prayer is that you to will know that you can rest in Jesus.